One Year Later I Can See The Light...

One year ago today, I woke up like any other day and I headed off to work, little did I know that it would end up being a defining day of my life. Some of those so called defining moments are the worst ones to bear, even when everyone tells me it will all work out for the best.  You all might be right, I still don't see it that way yet but I also don't see it the way I did that day.

That day I had to leave work early because my emotions were all over the place, when a client called in, I ended up bursting into tears... I quickly messaged someone that I had to leave, I looked for my quickest exit and I barely made it to the door before I was sobbing beyond control.  I walked a fair distance to catch the bus so that I could get my emotions under check. Still I sobbed on the bus, then at home... that was the night I stopped sleeping for nine long months.

The roller coaster of that day never really got better, it actually was worse... I just learned to deal with the ups and downs... mostly downs. I keep looking for the good in all of this, I have yet to find it... I know that doesn't sound positive and uplifting... But I have never been one to pretend everything is okay, when it's not...

However; saying all this, I have moved on from that day, I finally started to sleep about three months ago, which was a blessing... I have NO idea how I functioned on so little sleep?  I never want to do that again. Also, I don't cry most of the day anymore, which is so much better. I couldn't see a light at the end of the tunnel but I held on when I couldn't see it because I KNEW it was there.

I think we all have defining moments in our lives that could totally tear our foundation apart and that day was one of those days for me... Somehow, I held it together and I came through. If you had asked me a year ago where I thought I would be emotionally, I never thought I would have come as far as I did.  Yes, I still have a way to go but at least I am on the right path now... for nine months I wasn't anywhere, I was in limbo... and that is not a place to live.

If I could change that day, would I?  I would if I could but of course I can't... instead I have to keep living with the fallout ... just keep moving forward. Even when I don't see the whole picture yet, the light is enough to keep me there until I can see the full picture.

I hope when I look back on that day in a year or two, I will see that everything happened the way it should have... for now I will continue to hold on to the light I can see because for nine months I couldn't even see that...

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