An Open Heart Forgives

I need to write about forgiveness, I have written about it many times but it has been on my mind a lot lately. I often think how grateful I am that I understand that forgiveness is not so much for the other person as it is to free our hearts and ourselves from an unhealthy relationship or situation.

I thought I had this down, I learned this concept when I was 15 years old, I was living with my ex step mother Ruth and it was pretty unbearable. She was physically and verbally abusive. I was filled with anger towards her when one day I felt the need to pray, what I prayed for was just to be free of her, I wished her no harm, I just didn't want her to have control over me. I prayed every night, in six months I was free.

Whenever I would come up against a challenge that entailed another person, I always took the forgiveness route because I did not want, nor do I want anyone to have that kind of control over me. I have friends that don't let go of it because they have felt wronged... which is true but holding on to being right and proving your point only holds you to the person all the more.

That's why this last week I have been thinking about how I need to be reminded of what I have learned and know from past experience. There is someone in my life that I need to forgive, I don't necessarily have to say it to her but for myself I need to forgive her. Part of me held back forgiving her because I thought I was in the right. Then I had a light bulb moment or an ah ha moment where it doesn't matter if I am right, what matters is that until I forgive her, she will be a part of my life and frankly I don't want that to happen.

I spent this weekend thinking about it and I realized how toxic it was for me to hold on to prove I was right, that she had intentionally wronged me to put herself in a good light. The fact that she did is neither here nor there ... what matters is that I forgive her and move on. Maybe if I forgive her, she will be able to move on too... I think we both need that.

Since I am choosing to rise above the challenges that I have dealt with and the ones that will come to me, I knew that until I could forgive her and wish her happiness, that I would not be able to grow to the next level. I do believe that forgiveness starts inside our heart which opens our mind and that frees us from being held back.

I am feeling lighter already, I don't want the burden of being right to hold me back from being the best person that I can be. I hope that the next time a challenge comes up like this one that I will remember quicker and waste less time holding on to the need to be right... remembering to keep my heart open to forgiveness.

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