Where I Am Supposed To Be

When I realized I had time to write tonight, I noticed that it was my first post of 2015, this year has started off better than the last few years... yet I am still not as happy as I would like to be... it isn't that I think I need to be happy all the time, that isn't realistic, however; saying that I do think I could be more content. I need to figure out a way to get to that place.

There are a lot of things going on and the first and most important thing I had to do was get myself back on track with being healthy. It has been a week now and I have done many of the things I planned to do... none of it was easy, every last thing I wanted to do took a lot of work on my part... me making a conscious choice. 

The first thing I wanted to do was start eating properly again... by eating all natural foods, very little if any processed foods. The next thing I want to do is track my food progress with My Fitness Pal ... I know I am keeping within my calorie limit but I find it so much better to actually have it in writing. As it is a great way for me to be accountable to myself.

The second thing I wanted to do was exercise each day in some way... I have been walking for at least 30 minutes per day and tracking that with Map My Walk ... this one is a little easier because I just have to push a button and then walk, nothing to enter ... I have been creative in getting the exercise in by getting off the bus earlier or walking to a bus stop further away.

Valentina and I are going to work on a 30 day plank challenge starting tomorrow night... I have never done this before but I want to do more than just cardio so that I can strengthen my core. It is really going to help me that Valentina does this will me, I think she and I will encourage each other to work hard.

I read an article the other day that I wish I could remember who the author was, it was basically a list of things we do that hold us back... the first one was huge for me, when I saw the phrase, I cried. I know I have heard it before but the way that it was said there really hit home to me. It caused me to think a lot about the many changes I have made in my life... yet I still had not learned this one.

It was about how we tell ourselves, this was not the way my life was supposed to be... I say this to myself practically everyday when I am frustrated, upset or disappointed. It's not like I think anyone has it perfect here but I do feel like others have it more put together than I do. What the article tried to convey was that when we say this to ourselves over and over, we really hold ourselves back.

I have felt trapped by my choices and circumstances even though I have come through many overwhelming challenges which I have grown from immensely. I still feel like I don't have a way out. It's not as if I can just get up and change my life 180 degrees as I have responsibilities being a mama. Saying this though, I know that I cannot keep going on feeling this way, it isn't good for me, nor is it good for Valentina. 

Although I don't know the answer yet, I do know that it will involve big changes... whatever they are, I need to be ready to take them on and go with them... otherwise I will always feel trapped... So, first things first, starting today...(my motto)... I am going to work extremely hard on not telling myself that statement 'this was not the way my life was supposed to be' ... instead, I am going to work on solutions to change my life to how my life should be.

I do believe I can make the changes, not as quickly as I want but in time I will be exactly where I want to be and where I am supposed to be, one of the first steps is becoming healthy.

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