Rising Above My Challenges

I believe that there is nothing we cannot change as long as we want it badly enough... and for me as with others it is always a balancing act of finding new ways to stay engaged with the changes. I find that I make a goal and once I succeed I get bored and go back to my old ways. This is our nature, at least it is mine... I don't like failure (who does?) so I make small goals, instead of putting my whole heart into a bigger goal, which works to some degree, however; I always have to be evolving and reaching for more.

I was talking with some people about how we feel lost in our lives through the addictions we have... we all have them, some are very apparent, others we are able to hide more easily. When we are in the middle of these addictions we are sure there is no way out but there always is, is it easy? No, not easy at all... as a matter of fact, it will probably be harder than anything we have ever done. Addictions are strong, yet I believe we are stronger than any of our weaknesses.

For the past few years, actually if I am being totally honest, for the past 15 years I have been living my life in ways I have not been happy with... I became disappointed as I had goals and I never seemed to be able to attain them... I gave up and decided if I could not have them I would live my life anyway I liked. I sunk into all my weaknesses, I mean it was my life after all... I could make those decisions, it wasn't anyone else's to make right?

I am here to tell you that not one of them brought me happiness or joy, not one... sure, I had some short lived happy moments but nothing lasting... Everything came to a head on Christmas day last year, I was directly in the middle of all my addictions and I was so unhappy... as I have written before I had an event happen that could have completely destroyed me ... but I chose to go the other way. I admitted to myself that none of what I was doing was making me happy and that although I was willing to give it all up, I knew it would be hard and I would have more difficult choices in front of me, I knew deep down, it would be worth it.

I learned a great deal about myself in the past few months with that one event... I changed my life into another direction. What I learned the most was that I had not dreamed big enough and I had given up on myself... so although I did not attain the goals I had wanted to ... I should not give up on them as some of them are lifetime goals that I need to continue working towards. It is like my exercise and eating healthy, this is not just for today or until I get to a certain weight... this is a lifetime goal that I need to work on.

The minute I made the choice to change, I was relieved ... and although the path has been a twisting and rocky one back, it is one I plan to stay on... Although I may stumble, I will not stay down, I will always rise up and meet the next challenge. I would love to thank the person who caused the event in my life on Christmas day, for if she had not gone out of her way to hurt me, I would probably still be in my addictions and unhappy. Instead I took that event and made a choice to rise above it all ...

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