Soaring Higher Than My Dreams

I spent this week reflecting on the changes I have made and the ones I want to work on in the very near future... When I look at how far I have come, I am both surprised and grateful... Not that I didn't think I could make all the changes I have made because even though I fell many times I never stopped getting back up and believing in myself... I often wondered if I would just get out of my own way and allow myself to soar like I knew I could. 

 

For some reason I put my own road blocks up, I often become fearful of how much I can soar, how far I am really capable of actually going... I saw a little of that fear this week when I decided on a whim to go for a two mile walk and I realized I didn't have my headphones with me. I was tempted to go back and grab them but I only had a set amount of time so I decided to go without them. It was then that I understood how much I used the music so that I could zone out and not think... that was eye opening... for the 30 minutes I walked/jogged I had nothing to cover up my thoughts... I actually had to be present with myself...

I thought a lot about why I seemed to need sounds, like music or talking... why I didn't want the quiet.... The quiet allowed me to really think deeply about certain changes I needed and wanted to make but didn't seem willing to do as I was always finding excuses. One of them was how I want to meditate, I kept thinking about how I never have the time for this... I know I certainly do not want to get up any earlier than I already do but while I walked I remembered a time a couple of years ago where I kept talking about how I wanted to exercise and I wondered where I would find the time. 

Not even two years later I have seen that I just needed to shift my priorities and make the time for what is really important. I spend about 5-7 hours per week exercising and I don't feel like I am squeezing it in to my life, it is part of my life that I couldn't imagine not doing anymore. I can't begin to tell you how good it feels to push myself beyond what I thought I was capable of... and seeing that all the changes I often wondered were possible become a reality. 

So now, I need to make meditating a part of my life by just doing it... I had a quiet weekend where I was able to keep the noise level down which is not always possible with a tween in the household but if I want to make changes, true changes I need to find the way to make them happen. I am the only one who can make them happen, no one can do the work for me, no one can make those decisions for me... I am accountable to me...

Although I may stumble, I will not stay down or give up on myself... I have come too far to ever go back to where I was... I read a really wonderful blog this week from a woman I know personally... she has changed her life and lost a great deal of weight by making herself a priority... she talked about how she loved her 40+ year old body that was able to move even though she had spent many years being sedentary ... it made me think about how much I love my 51 year old body that I neglected for far too many years, yet it proves to me daily that it can change if I am willing to make the changes needed... 

Now I need to make the time for meditating the way I did for exercising... I know if I take the time to clear my mind through meditation, I can soar even higher than I ever dreamed...

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