Love Is Never Easy

Last week was my birthday week, I took two days off to have an extra long weekend. I didn't do a whole lot other then rest and walk whenever possible. We have this really great trail near where I live that I have come to love. I wish I had started using it earlier this year as there are only a few places I have to worry about crossing a road, it is quite level and it is beautiful. I will be using this as much as possible as it is quiet and very serene.

So, last week I explained that things did not work out between him and I as 'apparently' he has taken a job out West. I really didn't want to write about it because I knew that I was going to hear all the pat answers I didn't want to hear. It was inevitable since most of us are wired to want to say something/anything to make someone feel better. I want to address a few things here. 

First, I did not chase him or search for love, I was prepared to cancel the dating service I was on when he messaged me. I was intrigued as we had spoken at great length a couple of years ago. Second, I do love myself... I could not have said this a few years ago, I don't think wanting romantic love means that I don't love myself... Third, I think it is wonderful for people that enjoy being alone, let me say this, 'good for you'... I may have to be alone but that does not mean I am going to be thrilled about it, I would much rather share my life with someone who I love and who loves me. Fourth, I have a wonderful family and many good friends, unfortunately they don't always fill the void that craves romantic love... that doesn't mean I am not grateful for them.

The most important thing I wanted to say was in no way do I think love is easy. I know it's not perfect and simple to achieve... I know that no one has a perfect love where everything runs smoothly all the time. I also know that social media gives this illusion at times.... of course we as human beings don't want to post that things are not perfect, most of us don't want to do this because we don't want to be negative. Other people are insecure when they are over posting about how perfect the person that they are with is... the truth is, no one is perfect.

I am grateful that I didn't put him and I all over social media and only generically mentioned him in the blog. I think it would have been more difficult otherwise... Losing him was really nothing, I barely knew him, I didn't have time to have real feelings for him... what it did was make me build higher walls as I had started to trust again; it brought up old feelings and reminded me of how broken my heart was a few years ago... I thought I had come a long way and put that behind me, this showed me that maybe I am not quite ready yet.

For the time being I won't be dating and quite frankly as much as I want that great love in my life, it will have to wait... He will have to jump through hoops of fire to prove he is worthy of me... I give myself over to love completely when I love someone, the next time if it is to happen, the guy will have to go to great lengths to show me he is serious. I deserve absolutely nothing less... besides I know love is never easy but it's worth it...

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