I know it's been awhile since I have written, it's not that I haven't wanted to write, it has been a time issue. I have stepped up my exercise, this month I have over 133 miles logged so far... also, I spoke of strength training the last time I wrote, hopefully I will be starting that this week... I am working on getting together with the lady who will be giving me some pointers. The last thing I want to do is injure myself by doing it incorrectly, so I will be waiting before I start.
Also, my mood has changed a great deal in the past two weeks... it happened almost overnight... I'm not as melancholy as I have been, which isn't to say that I am overly joyous by any means either... I don't know how to even explain my mood... maybe it's come with all the exercising and focus I have put there, maybe I've come to a point of change finally... All I know is that I have not had any major lows but neither have I had any major highs... At the moment, this is what I need ... I have a lot of anniversary dates coming up that I was not sure how I was going to cope with... Today I feel like I will be able to deal with them...
Also, my mood has changed a great deal in the past two weeks... it happened almost overnight... I'm not as melancholy as I have been, which isn't to say that I am overly joyous by any means either... I don't know how to even explain my mood... maybe it's come with all the exercising and focus I have put there, maybe I've come to a point of change finally... All I know is that I have not had any major lows but neither have I had any major highs... At the moment, this is what I need ... I have a lot of anniversary dates coming up that I was not sure how I was going to cope with... Today I feel like I will be able to deal with them...
Since I last wrote, I was able to lose a little over 4 pounds which was great from all the hard work I have put in... I never want the numbers on the scale to rule me, as that is not what my journey is about... it is about becoming healthier and stronger. As I have stated before I will never be really tiny as I don't want to be, I want to be able to be the best me with exercising and eating nutritious food. I want to do what I say ... instead of saying things I wish and then not doing them. Too many people I know say they want to make changes and then never do anything about it, that was me in the past but I no longer want to be like this.
That is when real change happens, when we really decide that we are important enough to put in the effort and time. When I changed my mindset in June 2013, I didn't do it for a week, a month or a year... I changed if for a lifetime. I fail from time to time as I am human but there is a part of me that will and can never go back to the girl I was before I made it important to look after myself physically ... I am grateful that switch was turned on then because I think that if I had not made those changes then, that all the challenges that came not long after would have buried me.
That is when real change happens, when we really decide that we are important enough to put in the effort and time. When I changed my mindset in June 2013, I didn't do it for a week, a month or a year... I changed if for a lifetime. I fail from time to time as I am human but there is a part of me that will and can never go back to the girl I was before I made it important to look after myself physically ... I am grateful that switch was turned on then because I think that if I had not made those changes then, that all the challenges that came not long after would have buried me.
I have often wondered why I had to deal with all the loss I did... lately I have come to see that it ultimately made me stronger by not relying on others to show me my worth. It has been one of the most difficult lessons I have ever learned in my life but one that I needed to go through. There were so many times that I thought I was not going to make it, that the pain and grief would be too much to take. However; I am getting through each day and I see my own worth which no one can take from me.
I think the biggest lesson I learned these past two years was that no matter how hard someone tried to take me down, they didn't succeed... I was and am stronger than they or I ever thought I was... Although I wondered for a very long time how someone could be so hurtful and still seem to have all that they desired, I came to learn that it just looked like it... I want to live an authentic life, that means I don't want to pretend everything is perfect when it's not... we all have ups and downs and trying to portray anything different ultimately only hurts ourselves...Life is about doing and not portraying....
I think the biggest lesson I learned these past two years was that no matter how hard someone tried to take me down, they didn't succeed... I was and am stronger than they or I ever thought I was... Although I wondered for a very long time how someone could be so hurtful and still seem to have all that they desired, I came to learn that it just looked like it... I want to live an authentic life, that means I don't want to pretend everything is perfect when it's not... we all have ups and downs and trying to portray anything different ultimately only hurts ourselves...Life is about doing and not portraying....
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