Excuses Are Just Fears

I walked away from blogging for the past couple of weeks without saying anything, I wasn't sure that I was leaving; each day I was gone I wasn't sure when I was coming back ... I didn't know what to say. I sporadically commented on a few posts here and there but I didn't spend any significant time reading. I didn't know why until yesterday and then I was so busy that I didn't have a moment to write.

You all know that I am on my journey to be healthy, which to me entails more than just eating healthy and exercising but that is what I have been focused on for the past two months. I rarely if ever went over the calorie limit I had allowed for myself and I have been exercising a lot. In the month of July and August I walked over 190 miles each of those months... Already this month I have 30 miles... yet in 9 weeks I have only lost 9 pounds. I know that it is good that I lost and that slow weight loss is better but it is very hard to handle when I know that what I eat and what I exercise should show much better numbers on the scale.

Yes, I do feel a bit better with my clothing, however; inches are not coming off as easily either. . . So, I reached out to two people and they both gave me sound advise in that I have to change how I am exercising... you see I LOVE cardio, I could walk 6-8 miles a day if I had the time but apparently my body has become used to my exercise even though I have increased it greatly... I am going to watch a few videos and have some one on one training with a friend. 

I was disappointed in myself, I retreated inward and started working out even more... which ultimately didn't help, I even gained a half a pound. I know it doesn't sound like a lot but if you knew how many calories I ate and how many I expended, you might understand why I was frustrated. It was only yesterday that I realized going inward and exercising insanely wasn't helping, I needed to ask for help from people that I know are successful. I have talked about strength training for the past few years, putting in a tiny attempt here and there and coming up with excuse after excuse... I want those excuses gone now... I remember when I first started walking, it was NOT easy but I worked at it...

I have to do the same thing with getting stronger physically because as the saying goes, 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results' (Albert Einstein). My body is great at holding on to weight it thinks it needs... I have to retrain my body in other ways. I also need to say something here, I do not have any desire to be really skinny, slender or small... that isn't me, I love my curves, I am very happy with my body shape, I just know for me to be healthier that I should lose some more of the weight.

 Also, like I alluded to earlier, being healthy is not just losing weight and eating healthy... for me it is coming to terms with things in my life that are affecting how I feel. I honestly know what happiness is and how it feels, I have had that in many times in my life... and I was happy even when things were difficult... I know that happiness comes from within... I have not felt that for nearly 2 years, I want to feel happy again... so I am going to make many changes in the next few months, which of course I will talk about as I work on each goal.

Something that I honestly learned over the last few years is that until I am ready to make real changes in my life, I will have excuses for each of them... The real change comes for me when I confront each excuse and realize they were just fears... fears that I might fail... I might fail but I will never quit trying... one day I will succeed... 

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