I really enjoyed getting caught up with so many of you, I am still working at getting back into the hang of blogging, I have been trying not to overwhelm myself too much. I need to find some middle ground... which isn't the easiest thing for me as I have always been an all or nothing kind of girl, which means if I can't keep up I give up and do something else. I have been contemplating how to change that aspect of myself... there is nothing wrong with wanting to attain the highest level but giving up because I feel like it's a failure on my part isn't what I want for myself anymore.
I will never give up writing, it has been the one constant part of my life that has helped me to grow, I have been able to see another way to handle a test or trial. Even when I wasn't physically writing the past few months, I spent a lot of time writing in my mind, thinking of what it would take for me to finally get back to actually writing on the computer. Blogging wasn't my first thought as I feel that blogging is meant to be interactive, I couldn't just write and walk away... so I wrote a couple of times in my private blog just to write, it helped being able to get it out and see it in words.
My church believes in journals or keeping diary for ourselves that ultimately our family would be able to read our thoughts and ideas sometime in the future... I know my mom wrote a few letters to my sister Kimmy and when she passed on I got a copy of the notebook, it was such beautiful memories that I could read at anytime and pass down to my own children in time. I can see the importance of keeping my private ideas and thoughts for my family in the future. What I learned from this over the years is that I see how alike we are... yes we all have differences but ultimately we go through many of the same trials. Which is why I think writing about how we deal with something might help someone else... I know that I have learned from others writings and I have found a way to make it through a test I was unsure I would be able to get through.
I have been feeling cut off with my health issues and I have felt like I failed... I had gained my life life back by becoming healthy and now I feel like I am back where I was and actually further from my goals. A friend who went through something similar sent me a website with some ideas of how to strengthen my back so that my sciatica won't be so painful and a very good friend dropped over and told me not to give up, she would be ready to walk with me when the time came that I wasn't in such a great deal of pain. I honestly had given up on my health and thought to myself that this was the way my life was going to be.... but I can't give up because it's hard, it's not going to be simple, it's going to be painful and it's going to take a great deal of work but I want my life back... it's time for me start doing something, even if it's small and not to get discouraged when it takes longer than I think it should.
I haven't been attending my church because I felt it was too painful... I have people that are willing to pick me up and take me home part way... at least I can get out weekly and see other people so that I am not feeling as though I am so trapped in my home. I need that connection with other people, even if it is only for a short time each week... It will be good for me to hear other thoughts and ideas so that I am not sitting at home, convincing myself there is no way out. I want to help others, so that I will think of myself less...
I feel like service is the way for me to better myself in the long run... I might not be able to do anything to physical at the moment but I can talk to people and I can take the time to write my story for my children. There is a lot of my life on this blog but I don't write about everything as there are personal things I don't want everyone to know but I do want my children to know it all one day... as I am sure they will have to deal with many of the same trials in their lives and I want them to know that there is always a way through, no matter how difficult the test is... I have been served with love by many people over the years, it's time for me to serve others the same way...
Follow along!