I Will Be Me

 

It's been a long time since I sat down to write, I lost my muse ... it was easier to veg out in front of Netflix and binge watch show after show. If I did that, I didn't have to think about what I was doing with my life, I haven't been able to really stand up and say what I was thinking or feeling... One because pain messes you up more than I ever could have imagined, it makes you someone who can barely think of anything else. I keep chasing the next idea that supposedly has helped this person or that person but I ultimately end up back where I started.

Also, the last couple of weeks has brought back the rape as I am sure many women (people) are dealing with the past... you are so sure you dealt with it, then you hear people belittle the survivors and it opens every wound. If people could just understand how difficult it is to come forward and tell their story, it took me over a year to lay charges and then I was in limbo until we had to go to court... that was like being raped all over again... I saw no empathy. He ended up getting away with it, the only reason he had to spend time in jail was because I lost it when they said they would let him out on timed served, I was able to give a victim impact statement... Finally, he ended up spending a year in jail on top of what he'd already served.

All too often, men get away with the assault or rape, we see it over and over and as women we wonder if it is worth it to be treated like we are liars and to feel the pain all over again. I think there is a shift with the #metoo movement and I think it is about time. Until we feel we are seen, heard and believed, nothing will change. I think we all need to share our stories, nothing is too small, we need to show everyone that we are strong, stronger than our pasts and that we stand together in unity with each other.

I've also been thinking about how I gave up my writing, something I love so much, whether out on the blog or privately, it is my place to write my truths, my pain, my joys... somewhere I can lay everything out, it is usually with the writing that the answers I have looked for have come to me... I feel like writing it out seems to show me the paths I have in front of me, they become more clear and I can make more informed choices. I often felt like writing but it meant putting stress on getting back into blogging fully. I don't know if I can handle that all at once but I will pick it up slowly again... Even though blogging seems to have slowed down a great deal in the past couple of years, I will always write, even if it's just for me...

It is Fall time in Nova Scotia, that perfect walking weather... I am going to purchase a walker so that I can get around a little, I am housebound and I have been holding off with the walker because I feel like it makes me feel like I am 80 but if I don't so something right now, when I am 80 I will be stuck in a bed all the time... I don't want that, I need to get my mobility back I need to not care what anyone else thinks...

I hope I can get around and visit everyone in the next week or so, I know many of you have left blogging and that will be a bit sad for me but life changes for us, things that are important at one time in our lives has to take a back seat to the new things that are going on.  My new motto is I Will Be Me...

Follow along!

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